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INTIMACY ISSUES

Intimacy Issues Solution 1: Set Your Goal.
 
Tell your spouse what you want, but do it as a commitment from you: “I want to be the best husband in the world; where should I start?”

“I want us to be the close couple we used to be. What do I need to change for that to happen?”

Intimacy Issues Solution 2: Listen to Each Other Again.

When we lose empathy, intimacy shrivels. Renew your curiosity about your spouse’s frustrations with life, vocation, relationships, health, etc. It may sound simple, but it’s true and effective: questions for more information are the lifeblood of marriage.

Healthy marriage is one in which each partner is capturing about ninety percent of each other’s “bids”—comments, questions, and communications. Tuning each other out slowly kills our marriages. Learn to pay attention again. Make it a game—if you currently catch fifty percent of your spouse’s bids, aim for eighty the next day. And build on that even more by asking follow-up questions.

Intimacy Issues Solution 3: Laugh.

Go to a Christian based Comedy Date Night. Get together with those friends who regularly leave the four of you holding your side. Play with a baby. If you can’t remember the last time you’ve laughed together, it’s like trying to be married while holding your breath. At least once a month, be intentional about a “laugh date.”

Intimacy Issues Solution 4: Pray for and then serve someone outside your home.

Selfishness is spiritual rust. It spreads and gets worse over time. Having an outward focus—another couple, another family, another ministry—that you pray about, give to, and serve will do more for you than it will for them. If your marriage is only about your house, your bank account, and your kids, it’s too isolated to thrive. Jesus urges us to seek first God’s kingdom, not ours (Matthew 6:33).

Intimacy Issues Solution 5: Praise Each Other Every Day.

Most marriages have tiny moments of frustration just about every day. “Why would you say that?” “How come you didn’t call?” Over time, these build up until the weight of them crushes our affection. One intentional praise is like taking five of those frustrations away: “I’m so thankful that I can always count on you.” “Sometimes I watch you with the kids and am just amazed at how good of a parent you are.”

Intimacy Issues Solution 6: Read a Book.

Romans 12:2 says we are transformed by the renewing of our minds. If you’re serious about your marriage, you’ll read at least one book on Christian marriage a year (or perhaps listen to an audible book as you drive). Marriage is too important of a relationship not to regularly stretch your mind to remember your first vows.

Prince Victor Matthew 

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