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Couples, Heal Before You Call It Love

Not everything that people call love is healthy love. Some couples call emotional dependency love. Others call jealousy protection, control leadership, silence peace, fear respect, and suffering commitment. A marriage can contain affection and still contain unhealthy patterns. Love is not measured by how much pain you can endure for someone. Love must be expressed through truth, honor, responsibility, safety, sacrifice, and genuine concern for the wellbeing of the other person.

Marriage often brings unresolved wounds to the surface. Childhood experiences, previous relationships, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, insecurity, poor models of marriage, and emotional trauma can influence how spouses respond to one another. If those wounds remain unaddressed, a husband may punish his wife for what another woman did to him, or a wife may distrust her husband because of what someone else did in her past. The spouse becomes responsible for a wound they did not create.

Scripture says, “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” — Proverbs 4:23 KJV. Healing is therefore not optional if you want to build a healthy relationship. You must learn to recognize your emotional triggers, communicate your needs appropriately, forgive where forgiveness is possible, and take responsibility for unhealthy reactions. But healing does not mean remaining in an environment where someone continues to injure you intentionally. You can love someone and still establish boundaries against destructive behavior.

Ask yourself: Is what I call love actually producing peace, maturity, trust, and freedom to grow? Or am I constantly afraid of my spouse's reaction? Have I confused endurance with healing? Have I forgiven without addressing the pattern that keeps creating the wound? Has my spouse genuinely changed, or have I simply become better at tolerating what hurts me?

A healthy marriage should help both husband and wife become increasingly aligned with Christ and their God-given purpose. Your marriage should not require you to abandon wisdom, dignity, identity, or purpose. Healing allows love to become more mature because you stop demanding that your spouse carry wounds they did not create. Let Jesus heal what human affection cannot heal, let the Holy Spirit teach you how to love rightly, and let truth guide the boundaries that protect your marriage and your wellbeing.

Hope Expression Values You 
Apostle Prince Victor Matthew 

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