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Husbands and Wives, Look in the Mirror First

It is easy to identify what your spouse needs to change. You know their weaknesses, their habits, their mistakes, their tone, their failures, and the things they repeatedly do wrong. But marriage becomes healthier when both spouses are willing to examine themselves before demanding transformation from the other person. You cannot build a strong marriage by becoming an expert on your spouse's weaknesses while remaining ignorant of your own.

Looking in the mirror does not mean accepting blame for everything. If your spouse is abusive, manipulative, unfaithful, threatening, or controlling, their behavior remains their responsibility. Self-examination should never become a weapon that convinces someone to tolerate abuse. Instead, it asks an honest question: “What part of this situation belongs to me, and what belongs to my spouse?” That distinction is essential for healthy accountability.

Jesus said, “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” — Matthew 7:3 KJV. The principle applies powerfully to marriage. Before demanding that your spouse become more respectful, ask whether you are respectful. Before demanding better communication, examine your own communication. Before demanding effort, consider whether you are making an effort. Before accusing your spouse of selfishness, ask whether you have become self-centered.

What would your marriage look like if both of you stopped keeping score? What if instead of asking, “Who is more wrong?” you asked, “What can I do to make this relationship healthier?” What if apologies were followed by changed behavior? What if difficult conversations were handled with honesty rather than punishment, silent treatment, threats, or emotional manipulation? What if both husband and wife understood that marriage is not a competition but a covenant requiring mutual responsibility?

Your mirror is for examination, not condemnation. Look at yourself honestly, make the necessary changes, and encourage your spouse to do the same. Do not settle for a marriage where dysfunction is normalized simply because you have become accustomed to it. Do not accommodate abuse in the name of submission or tolerate destructive patterns in the name of love. Let Christ remain the foundation, let truth govern your conversations, let healthy boundaries protect what is valuable, and let the Holy Spirit lead both of you toward a marriage that supports God's purpose rather than obstructing it.

Hope Expression Values You 
Apostle Prince Victor Matthew 

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